...It's Friday im in Love..

/

2009-11-01T08:40:32Z

i cant get you out of my head.

since late 2004

its love. make it hurt.

house sitting.

2009-10-29T04:30:50Z

mouse sitting.

..

2009-03-20T02:43:19Z

if i could turn into a grain of sand and join the others on the beach i would. be content with heating up with the sun and cooling with the moon. shifting with the tides and being made into sandcastles just to be knocked down by a simple push. to be so maluable that would be so nice.

i am stressed. and i am hurt but i think ill make this through and if we can just push on a little further by going backwards as you wish i do belive we can beuild forward stronger and more beautifully then what we had befor.

there is always strength in learning and i think of this is my new journey
just be level headed stephany. it shouldnt hurt this bad. so dont let it.

pain is inevitable . suffering optional.

welcome back stephany

2009-01-15T19:56:25Z

welcome back welcome back welcome back.

job hunting.
love finding.
poision drinking.
clove smoking
hug giving
dance doing.
conversation making.
fool.

the new years is treating me well.

but how come evryone around me is doing so badly?
07-08 were horrrible, depressing greif strickin years.

have i earned my good time?

i almost feeel guilty to be this happy.

Almost.

SO

2008-02-18T05:30:46Z

im up to 147.

im 5'7.5

i think i look amazing.

im filled out. imm happy with my appetite.im healthy and i am okay for the first time in years to say i love myself. and i have no issue beign naked around anyoen let alone myself. not that imma get naked or anything.

but.

and i go through these days where i feel " fat" "huge" "like a tub of fuckign lard" and i get so upset if soemthign doesnt fit right.

heres the deal.

i know i cant be a fucking 115 my whole life. and fuck sakes i looked sick.

i have told myself. just get over it. you are a beautiful woman not a fuckign sickly stick.

im gettign rid of all of my clothign that doesnt fit.
im starting new.

if i get bigger, buy bigger. i neeed to pull myself out of this fuckign sick web that sociecty has weved for me.
thank you glamoure, vogue,prada gucci ect.

im coming out.

yoi

2008-01-26T05:21:46Z

It's full speed, baby, in the wrong direction.

FUCKIGN STOP

2007-12-24T21:01:16Z

I BEG OF YOU DEAR FRIENDS

PLEASE STOP FUCKIGN DYING

PLEASE

please

r.ip jordan

hungry

2007-11-17T19:55:11Z

cut my hair off.

dance alot,

keeps the weight off.

keeps the drunk away.

keeps the sun away

i cant seem to shake this

2007-11-10T00:24:16Z

but i dont really care right now.

ive been watcching movies for two weeks straight

my dad had surgery today.
im worried.
upset
just plain tired of keeping busy /

i swear ill make it through this year.

even if it kills me.

i need to slow the fuck down

2007-10-21T20:37:20Z

okay self destrucktive

okay broken hearted.

stop it anxiety filled words

i cant seem to break this bottle from my hands.

sleeping isnt sleep now adays til i am passed out stone cold piss drunk while others worry i may be dead by the morning.

help me.

oh

2007-10-18T03:57:56Z

so lonely

"im not down with hitting a girl in the face.,"

2007-10-13T00:34:41Z

try me@!!!

smitten

2007-10-04T00:03:27Z

like a kitten.

i have doggy scratches on my arm.

and a caase of hiccups.

i cant sleep

2007-09-14T05:48:42Z

now that my dose was upped.

FUCKIN A

hmn..

2007-09-12T04:19:26Z

an hour after takign my meds i feel liek imf reakign flying its fun til it fades and im sitting back on the ground.

im sick of my thoughts, i understand medication isnt a cure all but sweet fuckign lord, im dying here.
im about to call for desparet measures\\:::wait i thought these WHERE DESPARATE MEASURES!:::

fuckin a.

i remember when i could write for days, i could sit under (or in ) a tree and disapear in my notepads.ride my bike around thelake and home, and become so insppired by what i saw that i had tostop right there or race home to drawor paint anything.

im a "weakling" now,im dependant on pills, people, fast transportation.swept up in everythign but the simple life.

im so disapointed in myself.
even tho everyon else is so proud.

breakmyglasses @ 2007-09-03T14:55:00

2007-09-03T21:56:14Z

breakmyglasses @ 2007-09-01T10:59:00

2007-09-01T17:59:54Z

R.I.P Bo Sawyer 1987-2007, R.I.P Jarrod Willcutt 1984-2007,R.IP roamie1987-2007

littlemccarter?

2006-02-22T18:11:57Z

fuck no, i will not allow mw to sprout petals and become a flower.

my mother attemtpeed suicide..

2006-02-12T23:24:30Z

my mother attemtped suicide this morning..

No
i dotn want to talk about it.

-stephany

things happen for a reason.

2006-02-09T21:59:28Z

what goes up must come down.
ha.
i didnt expect it to last a smuch as i would have wanted it to.

so im very pleased with the lists for coachella.

2006-02-05T03:27:06Z

an dim very pleased with soemof the things goign on in my life right now.
other things i have to teach myself not to become discouraged so easiyly over.
im human. i get worked up then i calm down. it happends.

i hate that and it kills me .it kills me at the fact that you have to be one of the drunk/high/spun everyday or you become liek a fish out of water.

i thought i was the one who could help..

i feel like me comign back into your life may be a good thing but have to take alot of effort on both partys to make healthy both addiction wise and relationship. we cannot allow opne another to feed off of eachothers addictions and problems.. we must lift up and trry to save what we have left and what we have left top rebuild is somethign so beautyful and i feel so blessed to have the chance to make things right again.

i need a job, ive been looking. and lookign and i am becoming a bit sad... fustratinmg..!!!!!!!!!!!!! god,anyways.. i need a job, i dont want to move in with sarah in the house anymore i dont think, your best friends arent usually he best roomates i hear, and i am scared to ruin it.. our friendships on a thin wire and i feel i might do soemthign to piss her off for the last time..

im stayign with my dad.. again,.. it should be better this time. i hope.. hes looking so old now adays and its startignm to scare me.. where will i be in the years that hes gone and not able to tell me everythings ok and that i can call him anytime if needed.. and that im turd two.
i dotn want to think about this. but its a reaccurign thougth in my head.

i have a 3.0 in school.
im behind 60 manditory credits.
im working my ass off in school.
15 creidtas every 3 weeks.
its harder then it sounds.
i hope i can keep it up. i want out this year..
if not ill be a december graduate.
bleh.

i need new clothes. donate yoru old ones to me. it scold.

" ill grab her my her throuaght and lift her from her seat"

2006-01-30T19:39:06Z

i hold on to you, you bring me hope ill see you soon.

one hell of a reunion.

breakmyglasses @ 2005-12-22T16:49:00

2005-12-23T00:51:22Z

sometimes its better to be blindfolded and introduced to faceless expresseion then to look for a face and be disapointed about what you see not what you feel. we as human beings are selfish hungry pigs.eating any form of beauty we are taught to feed on.

we are abosolutely hungry for what is only on the outer shell of existance.

eat my flesh, my soft skin, taste me in your teeth, on your tongue, swollow my flesh with no remourse.

when you get to my bones, my innards you run away scared of the taste that may lay inside.

breakmyglasses @ 2005-12-19T14:43:00

2005-12-19T22:44:36Z

howpitals are no good.

w.

2005-12-07T04:29:27Z

its an aphrodiesiacckkkk

sp?
yeah cause lord knowsi fucked it up