| woo. |
[Saturday, March 21st, 2009 @ 11:22am] |
im trying to maintain face right now. but it is very hard. alonng with a shrinking waistsize is the expanding size of my broken heart. they say broken hearts beat just fine, but i swear if you lean in a little closer youll hear the faint sigh and exhale of my ticker just wanting to give out alltogther.
it was only 3 months.
it was only three months
it was only three fucking months, why are you hurting so badly? what makes this differnt?
what makes him so special to you.
i never once wanted to even glance at another.
i loved even the stupidist things you did.
i loved hating you taking ecstacy and staying up all night just because i wanted to cuddle with you..
i cant continue this post. it makes no sence.im just hurting myself more.
|
|
| .. |
[Thursday, March 19th, 2009 @ 7:39pm] |
if i could turn into a grain of sand and join the others on the beach i would. be content with heating up with the sun and cooling with the moon. shifting with the tides and being made into sandcastles just to be knocked down by a simple push. to be so maluable that would be so nice.
i am stressed. and i am hurt but i think ill make this through and if we can just push on a little further by going backwards as you wish i do belive we can beuild forward stronger and more beautifully then what we had befor.
there is always strength in learning and i think of this is my new journey
just be level headed stephany. it shouldnt hurt this bad. so dont let it.
pain is inevitable . suffering optional.
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| you make me |
[Tuesday, February 10th, 2009 @ 8:24pm] |
sick. i dont gget why i am upset.
your not allowed to do your own thing.
just me. IM THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY..
|
|
| living wih parents again |
[Tuesday, January 20th, 2009 @ 12:48pm] |
is a joke.
please someone getme a job.
i remember why i used to be so depressed. its all situational.
get me out@
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|
| welcome back stephany |
[Thursday, January 15th, 2009 @ 11:53am] |
welcome back welcome back welcome back.
job hunting.
love finding.
poision drinking.
clove smoking
hug giving
dance doing.
conversation making.
fool.
the new years is treating me well.
but how come evryone around me is doing so badly?
07-08 were horrrible, depressing greif strickin years.
have i earned my good time?
i almost feeel guilty to be this happy.
Almost.
|
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| ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh |
[Sunday, May 4th, 2008 @ 1:38pm] |
i would liek to be able to have hair that i can attach and detach from my head whenever i wanted.
eh i got wigs.
inbetwwen days of who i want to look like.
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| SO |
[Sunday, February 17th, 2008 @ 9:25pm] |
im up to 147.
im 5'7.5
i think i look amazing.
im filled out. imm happy with my appetite.im healthy and i am okay for the first time in years to say i love myself. and i have no issue beign naked around anyoen let alone myself. not that imma get naked or anything.
but.
and i go through these days where i feel " fat" "huge" "like a tub of fuckign lard" and i get so upset if soemthign doesnt fit right.
heres the deal.
i know i cant be a fucking 115 my whole life. and fuck sakes i looked sick.
i have told myself. just get over it. you are a beautiful woman not a fuckign sickly stick.
im gettign rid of all of my clothign that doesnt fit.
im starting new.
if i get bigger, buy bigger. i neeed to pull myself out of this fuckign sick web that sociecty has weved for me.
thank you glamoure, vogue,prada gucci ect.
im coming out.
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| yoi |
[Friday, January 25th, 2008 @ 9:21pm] |
|
It's full speed, baby, in the wrong direction.
|
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| its funny. |
[Friday, January 25th, 2008 @ 9:15pm] |
im always there when anyone needs me.
when i attempt to put my hand out for help, dismissed.
i ffeel so wrong.
|
|
| FUCKIGN STOP |
[Monday, December 24th, 2007 @ 1:00pm] |
I BEG OF YOU DEAR FRIENDS
PLEASE STOP FUCKIGN DYING
PLEASE
please
r.ip jordan
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| hungry |
[Saturday, November 17th, 2007 @ 11:56am] |
cut my hair off.
dance alot,
keeps the weight off.
keeps the drunk away.
keeps the sun away
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| i cant seem to shake this |
[Friday, November 9th, 2007 @ 4:22pm] |
but i dont really care right now.
ive been watcching movies for two weeks straight
my dad had surgery today.
im worried.
upset
just plain tired of keeping busy /
i swear ill make it through this year.
even if it kills me.
|
|
| ! |
[Monday, October 22nd, 2007 @ 11:36am] |
Wed. Oct 24th 5-9 in the free speech area of fresno state.
this is an event to spread awareness about violence against women. more importantly this is an event for women (and our male allies) to speak up and speak out.
this is a night to stand together and spread love and safety, to reclaim the night.
how many of us are afraid to be alone at night? how many of us won't even consider walking by ourself at night? how many of us have ever been assualted? abused?
too many of us!
ok, i know some of you are thinking, yeah it sounds cool, not my thing. this is not just some feminist issue. its a people issue. please support this. come out and show that your safety means something. that your children's safety means something.
guys, this includes you, we need you out there along with us.
this event is empowering and fun and emotional and totally worth it.
PLEASE REPOST!
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| i need to slow the fuck down |
[Sunday, October 21st, 2007 @ 1:35pm] |
okay self destrucktive
okay broken hearted.
stop it anxiety filled words
i cant seem to break this bottle from my hands.
sleeping isnt sleep now adays til i am passed out stone cold piss drunk while others worry i may be dead by the morning.
help me.
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|
|
[Thursday, October 18th, 2007 @ 3:09pm] |
Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call
Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call
A. You're gay
B. You've got a girlfriend
C. You kinda thought I came on too strong or
D. I just wasn't your thing
no ring
Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call
When we sat outside for an hour at the party and talked
I thought something good could be starting
It's not a lot that I want
just some talking
and really, you just injured my pride
Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call
Susan said that maybe you're scared
Shelly says there always is a reason
and Chris said you're probably surrounded by girls and I'm just not one of them you're needing
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| oh |
[Wednesday, October 17th, 2007 @ 8:57pm] |
|
so lonely
|
|
| siddartha |
[Saturday, October 13th, 2007 @ 12:23am] |
i want my copy of it.
i really misss paul.. temple, whatevr u want to name him as.
sigh.
that kid has me.
i miss the shit out of you.
!!!
remeber when we went to fresno high n snuck in?
then went back to the vassor house and i had to get a ride hoem with steve turbo?
onl;y we know why its funny.
i miss our picnics in woodward park and you makiugn me eat tomatoes what i HATE. and how excited you where when io wasnt vegan for that whole experimental week and made me eat cheese. that was so long ago.
remember my 16th b day?
i miss you!!
i miss my best friend/soul mate.
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| smitten |
[Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007 @ 5:02pm] |
like a kitten.
i have doggy scratches on my arm.
and a caase of hiccups.
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