| ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh |
[Sunday, May 4th, 2008 @ 1:38pm] |
i would liek to be able to have hair that i can attach and detach from my head whenever i wanted.
eh i got wigs.
inbetwwen days of who i want to look like.
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| SO |
[Sunday, February 17th, 2008 @ 9:25pm] |
im up to 147.
im 5'7.5
i think i look amazing.
im filled out. imm happy with my appetite.im healthy and i am okay for the first time in years to say i love myself. and i have no issue beign naked around anyoen let alone myself. not that imma get naked or anything.
but.
and i go through these days where i feel " fat" "huge" "like a tub of fuckign lard" and i get so upset if soemthign doesnt fit right.
heres the deal.
i know i cant be a fucking 115 my whole life. and fuck sakes i looked sick.
i have told myself. just get over it. you are a beautiful woman not a fuckign sickly stick.
im gettign rid of all of my clothign that doesnt fit.
im starting new.
if i get bigger, buy bigger. i neeed to pull myself out of this fuckign sick web that sociecty has weved for me.
thank you glamoure, vogue,prada gucci ect.
im coming out.
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[Friday, January 25th, 2008 @ 9:21pm] |
"Starvation. What a delicate subject that leads to delicate things. I touch my ribs constantly, grabbing at them, stroking them. I relish how my stomach moves because its -empty-. I'm still eating. I'm a little frightened, I'm very dizzy today and my tingling is really bad. I don't know what to do. I want my ribs prominent. It's almost erotic. Wish I had a scale so I could know if I'm making progress. But, I'm sure when I see people after being gone they can tell me if I look thinner. I hope I do. I hope it continues. I made an attempt to go to counseling at ISU; but, they would have to get parental permission and I don't want that. For a time I wanted help because I was scared. Now I just want it to take over. My arms are tingling from typing this, and I felt all through class like I was going to pass out. When I walk anywhere, it's awful. I can't handle it. Maybe I'm getting thinner. I just want to be thinner.
Pastel-white features,
high cheek-bones,
scarlet-blooded lips and deathly tones.
Anorexic beauty,
feather-weight perfection
It's full speed, baby, in the wrong direction.
I WILL BE THIN. I WILL BE THIN. I WILL BE THIN. I WILL BE THIN. I WILL BE THIN. I WILL BE THIN. I WILL BE THIN. I WILL BE THIN. I WILL BE THIN. I WILL BE THIN. I WILL BE THIN. I WILL BE THIN. I WILL BE THIN. I will be gorgeous and beautiful and wonderful and perfect and thin."
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| its funny. |
[Friday, January 25th, 2008 @ 9:15pm] |
im always there when anyone needs me.
when i attempt to put my hand out for help, dismissed.
i ffeel so wrong.
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| FUCKIGN STOP |
[Monday, December 24th, 2007 @ 1:00pm] |
I BEG OF YOU DEAR FRIENDS
PLEASE STOP FUCKIGN DYING
PLEASE
please
r.ip jordan
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| hungry |
[Saturday, November 17th, 2007 @ 11:56am] |
cut my hair off.
dance alot,
keeps the weight off.
keeps the drunk away.
keeps the sun away
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| i cant seem to shake this |
[Friday, November 9th, 2007 @ 4:22pm] |
but i dont really care right now.
ive been watcching movies for two weeks straight
my dad had surgery today.
im worried.
upset
just plain tired of keeping busy /
i swear ill make it through this year.
even if it kills me.
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| ! |
[Monday, October 22nd, 2007 @ 11:36am] |
Wed. Oct 24th 5-9 in the free speech area of fresno state.
this is an event to spread awareness about violence against women. more importantly this is an event for women (and our male allies) to speak up and speak out.
this is a night to stand together and spread love and safety, to reclaim the night.
how many of us are afraid to be alone at night? how many of us won't even consider walking by ourself at night? how many of us have ever been assualted? abused?
too many of us!
ok, i know some of you are thinking, yeah it sounds cool, not my thing. this is not just some feminist issue. its a people issue. please support this. come out and show that your safety means something. that your children's safety means something.
guys, this includes you, we need you out there along with us.
this event is empowering and fun and emotional and totally worth it.
PLEASE REPOST!
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| i need to slow the fuck down |
[Sunday, October 21st, 2007 @ 1:35pm] |
okay self destrucktive
okay broken hearted.
stop it anxiety filled words
i cant seem to break this bottle from my hands.
sleeping isnt sleep now adays til i am passed out stone cold piss drunk while others worry i may be dead by the morning.
help me.
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[Thursday, October 18th, 2007 @ 3:09pm] |
Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call
Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call
A. You're gay
B. You've got a girlfriend
C. You kinda thought I came on too strong or
D. I just wasn't your thing
no ring
Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call
When we sat outside for an hour at the party and talked
I thought something good could be starting
It's not a lot that I want
just some talking
and really, you just injured my pride
Hey Boy
Why you didn't call me?
I waited for days
I can't believe you didn't call
Susan said that maybe you're scared
Shelly says there always is a reason
and Chris said you're probably surrounded by girls and I'm just not one of them you're needing
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| oh |
[Wednesday, October 17th, 2007 @ 8:57pm] |
|
so lonely
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| "im not down with hitting a girl in the face.," |
[Saturday, October 13th, 2007 @ 12:33am] |
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try me@!!!
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| siddartha |
[Saturday, October 13th, 2007 @ 12:23am] |
i want my copy of it.
i really misss paul.. temple, whatevr u want to name him as.
sigh.
that kid has me.
i miss the shit out of you.
!!!
remeber when we went to fresno high n snuck in?
then went back to the vassor house and i had to get a ride hoem with steve turbo?
onl;y we know why its funny.
i miss our picnics in woodward park and you makiugn me eat tomatoes what i HATE. and how excited you where when io wasnt vegan for that whole experimental week and made me eat cheese. that was so long ago.
remember my 16th b day?
i miss you!!
i miss my best friend/soul mate.
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| smitten |
[Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007 @ 5:02pm] |
like a kitten.
i have doggy scratches on my arm.
and a caase of hiccups.
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| well |
[Friday, September 21st, 2007 @ 6:47am] |
i knew being on prozac would eventually make me worse then i was.
and yeah.
i hurt myself.
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
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| i cant sleep |
[Thursday, September 13th, 2007 @ 10:47pm] |
now that my dose was upped.
FUCKIN A
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| hmn.. |
[Tuesday, September 11th, 2007 @ 9:14pm] |
an hour after takign my meds i feel liek imf reakign flying its fun til it fades and im sitting back on the ground.
im sick of my thoughts, i understand medication isnt a cure all but sweet fuckign lord, im dying here.
im about to call for desparet measures\\:::wait i thought these WHERE DESPARATE MEASURES!:::
fuckin a.
i remember when i could write for days, i could sit under (or in ) a tree and disapear in my notepads.ride my bike around thelake and home, and become so insppired by what i saw that i had tostop right there or race home to drawor paint anything.
im a "weakling" now,im dependant on pills, people, fast transportation.swept up in everythign but the simple life.
im so disapointed in myself.
even tho everyon else is so proud.
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| vmas |
[Sunday, September 9th, 2007 @ 9:52pm] |
i dont know what possesed me to watch the first five minutes if brittney spears friggin humping air.
i want to vomit
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[Monday, September 3rd, 2007 @ 2:55pm] |
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[Saturday, September 1st, 2007 @ 10:59am] |
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R.I.P Bo Sawyer 1987-2007, R.I.P Jarrod Willcutt 1984-2007,R.IP roamie1987-2007
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